How to Find a Good Therapist

I’ve heard many people mention lately how difficult it can be to find a therapist, and I thought I’d blog about this topic from the perspective of a therapist.  It’s true that there is a shortage of mental health professionals, yet with a bit of persistence and dedication, it is possible to find a therapist who’s a good fit for you.

For starters, take some time to get clear on the changes you’d like to see in your life.  Are you hoping to have better relationships? Are you struggling with specific feelings such as anxiety or sadness? Do you have behaviors you’d like to transform (e.g. substance use, procrastination, or reactive anger)?  Write a sentence or two about these changes and keep these notes handy as you search.  This will help guide you as you go along.  It will also prepare you for conversations with therapists, as they will want to know this information. 

Now it’s time to begin the actual search.  I’ll write about two different ways  you might do this but suggest you try both to broaden your choices.  One tactic is word-of-mouth referrals.  Do you have friends, colleagues, medical professionals, clergy or church affiliations that you can ask?  A simple, straightforward question will do the trick: “Hey, do you happen to know of a good therapist?”  Ask people who have been around the area for some time, people who know a lot of people, people who may have told you that they or a family member have been in therapy.  And don’t forget to ask other professionals as well. It is common for doctors, physical therapists, nutritionists, massage therapists, teachers and so on to have cultivated referral networks.  A busy therapist will often give preference to word-of-mouth referrals, so if you’ve found a therapist’s name from someone else, be sure to mention this in your first contact. .  

Another way to go about a search is to use modern technology.  There are several searchable online databases, including Psychology Today, Monarch and more.  Psychology today is the most popular, and it has the added benefit of allowing for searches within your area.  If you’re open to online or phone therapy, you can search the entire state (most therapists are limited to practicing only in the state(s) where they are licensed).  While not for everyone, virtual therapy can work wonders for some, and it will give you a much broader range of choices. Many of the database sites allow you to search by insurance carrier and will also tell you which therapists have immediate availability.  

As you go through possible matches, carefully read the therapists’ profiles and really listen to yourself.  How do their words make you feel?  You want someone who you feel drawn towards.  Someone that gives you the sense that you may be able to build trust with them.  Contact the ones that you feel good about.  If they tell you they are not taking new clients, ask them if they have a waiting list and/or if they can refer you to other therapists.  

Many therapists will offer initial consultations for free or reduced rates.  Don’t be shy about scheduling initial appointments and/or consultations with more than one therapist.  That way you can see how each one feels to you and which one you’re more comfortable around.  Go ahead and tell the therapists that you’ve scheduled a few consultations.  Most will appreciate that.  Remember that therapists are managing the amount of people that they see; they don’t want to overbook themselves.  So when you have a consultation, ask them how soon they’d need to hear back from you if you decide you’d like to work with them.  

And some thoughts on paying for therapy: health insurance is of course a great way to do this.  There are many talented professionals using health insurance, though looking for someone who  accepts your insurance can make the search a little slower than paying out-of-pocket.  You can visit the insurance carrier’s website for referrals.  You can also find therapy agencies that take your insurance.  Call the agency and ask what therapists have availability.  Then, you can do some research on the available therapists and see who feels like the best fit for you.     

If you are able to pay out of  pocket or with an health savings account, you’ll open up your options much more broadly.  One benefit to paying therapist this way is that they are likely not be overworked.  Therapists, like so many others in our modern economy, come from an exploitative field.  A therapist with a fair workload can give more attention to your transformation.  You might not know that therapists spend a good deal of time working for you outside of  the Did you know that therapists work for you outside of the sessions?  We use tools like consultation and research to guide our work with you.  When we’re not overworked, we’re able to give you the time and consideration you deserve.  I know that most of us have to watch our bottom line and paying out of pocket can be costly, but these are some good reasons to consider paying out of pocket if you can.      

And while we’re talking about fair treatment of therapists, I’d like to request that you please, please don’t use Better help, Talkspace, Sondermind and other online therapy clearinghouses.  These sites treat therapists poorly.  They underpay and disempower practitioners.  While you may find a very talented therapist there, they may not work there for long. 

Alas, back to your search.  When you finally have an initial consultation or initial appointment with a therapist, trust yourself and ask questions.  I am more interested in how a professional related to the experience of life, than I am about what degrees and trainings they have.  You might ask about how they see the human experience, the world, spirituality or whatever else feels important to you.  During and after the conversation, check in with yourself.  Do you feel like you can build trust with this person?  This is the most important question there is in this search.  

Finally, once you’ve chosen a therapist and start meeting with them, give it at least 3 sessions and if it doesn’t feel right to you, let them know.  It’s good to ask questions like “What do you see in me that I might not see?  What do you think about my problem and the solutions for it?”  Remember therapy is not just for talking, it’s for transformation.  This often involves breaking out of our patterns.  If you tend to talk a lot, try listening to your therapist for a bit instead.  If you tend to be quiet and reserved, try talking a lot for a session or two.  If you’re still not connecting, let your therapist know. If it doesn't change, it's okay to find a different therapist.  In the end, research and personal experience bares out time and time again that the relationship with the person you choose as you therapist is the most important part of therapy.

‍